


your eros, my agape

by e_scape



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Slow Burn, and phichit is the queen of social media platforms, i love his character development
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-22
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-01 12:16:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8624143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/e_scape/pseuds/e_scape
Summary: Maybe Yuuri's always possessed eros. All it took was the right man to unlock it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's late to the party

 

Viktor Nikiforov has always been man of great charms, completely unabashed in his actions, and at ease in the face of the media. 

Yuuri considers himself to be his antithesis; unsure in himself, his abilities, and his right to skate on the world's stage. That crushing defeat at the Grand Prix Finale--never before has something been so close, yet unattainable, and he locks up that yearning within himself. (Viktor probably doesn't even remember his name.)

So when Viktor calls to him, Yuuri almost gives himself whiplash turning around so fast. He sees them walking abreast, so comfortable around each other; two geniuses in their own world. _Of course it's the Russian Yuri_ , he thinks as he bites down on his lip. Viktor catches his eye and smiles--the same calculated one reserved for the media and his fans. Although it still makes Yuuri's cheeks flush and his heart flutter, it's not the type of smile he wants.

"Commemorative photo?" Viktor says with glib ease, "Sure."

Yuuri grabs his luggage, turns on his heel, and heads out the door. It's humiliating, being seen like this by the one man he's always admired. Celestino heads after him, as he walks under spiraling snow.

He eats himself sick that day; homesick, yet not wanting to face his family and friends back in Hasetsu. He doesn't think he can deal with disappointing them as well. From there he free-falls into a spiral of depression and self loathing, and he bombs the Japanese Nationals, ending the season for himself. 

When Yuuri returns to his hometown Minako receives him at the station, ever glad to have him back. Posters of him are tacked up on the tile walls, last vestiges of his shot at glory. He hasn't once visited Hasetsu ever since he left at eighteen, five years back, and he marvels at how much it has changed. 

He's become a little like something of a minor celebrity in his hometown, and people stop to shake his hand, or request an autograph. Yuuri wants to do neither, but Minako smacks his back and chastises him not to be rude. " _Viktor_ wouldn't say that to _his_ fans," she says as she keeps a ferric grip on his wrist. 

Yuuri wishes Viktor wasn't so perfect.  

His family is elated to have him back, and they fuss over him, asking him about his stay in Detroit. He's missed the familiarity of the inn, and mostly, the warmth of his parents. Minako is aghast at his paunch; it's no weight for a professional figure skater to be at, she scolds him. 

His parents simply laugh it off, and ask if he'll be helping out at the inn now that he's back. They tell him to think about it, but there's something he should do first. 

Mari walks in when he pays tribute to Viktor, exhaling smoke into the room. It clashes with the incense he's lit. She says he'll support him if he chooses to keep skating, but Yuuri doesn't want to think about that yet. 

\--

Countless posters of Viktor Nikiforov are tacked up onto the walls of Yuuri's room, just like he'd left it five years ago. Although it looks uninhabited, there aren't any traces of dirt when Yuuri brushes his finger against a shelf. 

When he starts unpacking he finds one of his program costumes shoehorned into the corner of the luggage. Yuuri smooths it out where it's creased, and after a brief moments contemplation, he pulls it on. 

It's a tight fit around his calves and thighs, working the spandex to the absolute limit. It stops at his hips, refusing to budge further upward. 

Yuuri strips it off as fast as he can, disgusted. He throws it into the deepest recesses of his closet. 

\--

Yuuri's already sick and tired of hiding himself away when he catches a glimpse of Viktor just before his free skate. Minako has set herself right in front of the television, no doubt ready to get trashed. He dashes out the door and makes a trip to Ice Castle Hasetsu.

"Sorry, we're closed right now..." The woman at the counter trails off when she sees who he is, and a bright smile lights her face as she recognises him. "Yuuri! You're here to skate, right? The rink's all yours."

"Here you go." She hands him a pair of skates, and beams up at him. "You want to skate alone now, right? Don't worry, I'll protect you."

"Um...thank you." Yuuri takes them from her gratefully, and laces up his shoes. Yuuko follows him in, positioning herself near the edge of rink.

"Please watch me closely," Yuuri says as he steps onto the ice. The feeling of ice underneath his skates is a comforting one. He _can_  do this, he thinks. There's no pressure on him now, and his mind feels clear. The feeling of being with Yuuko brings him back, where there was neither obligation to skate, nor the necessity for perfection.  

Yuuko's eyes watch him with wonder, and he lands his-- _Viktor's_ \--quads perfectly, knowing they're in sync without the need for confirmation. All eyes might be on Viktor Nikiforov at this moment in time, but his is Yuuri's performance alone. If he closes his eyes he can imagine the blinding lights of the stadium, the stands packed to the brim with audience. The crisp sound of his blades hitting the ice as he executes all his jumps flawlessly is all that fills this rink, but it's enough. 

Yuuko's virtually _sparkling_  with admiration when he finishes, pounding on the wall of the rink's closure. "That's amazing! You're like a perfect copy of Viktor!"

Yuuri blushes at the praise, but his heart swells with pride. Nishigori joins them not a moment later, clapping him on the back. _This_ is what he's been missing back at his hometown, where it snows, but the nights are never chilly.

\--

Nishigori calls Yuuri up in the evening, apologizing over a video that's gone viral. Yuuri can hear Yuuko scolding the triplets in the background, but all the panic is lost on him until Nishigori sends him a link to the clip.

Then Yuuri _panics._  A three minute video of him skating Viktor's free skate program is being re-tweeted at an insane rate, and it's all too much for him to bear. "Goodnight," he mumbles to no-one in particular, and passes out right then and there.

\-- 

It's April when he stops moping about and gets himself together. When Yuuri walks into the inn, he gets tackled  to the ground by a dog that bears a striking similarity to Viktor.

"He looks just like Vicchan, doesn't he?" his father comments as he meets Yuuri at the entryway, "He came in with a good looking foreigner earlier."

Yuuri all but scrambles to the hot springs, heart beating a mile a minute. It's silly to get his hopes up; why would his idol be _here_ out of all places? He skids to a stop at the curtain and makes a sharp turn into the baths. He pushes open the glass doors, and Yuuri can't believe his eyes. 

It's Viktor Nikiforov in the flesh, standing naked in the onsen. It's a ridiculous sight made even more unbelievable when Viktor makes an equally ridiculous proposal.

" _Yuuri, I'll make you the best in the world_." 

Numb with shock, Yuuri gapes like a fish in open air. All he manages is a strangled yell, and he falls back, flat onto his ass. His parents rush in, wondering if he's alright, and Viktor helps him up.  _Attempts_ to anyway. Yuuri just waves him arms in front of his face as if exorcising a spirit. 

"Ara, Yuuri! Don't act that way towards a guest," his mother tells him off and apologises, but Viktor says it's quite alright.

"I'm sure Yuuri's just shocked, right, Yuuri?"

If anything does him in, Yuuri's sure it's the wink. _Definitely_ the wink.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [waits 7 weeks to start this]


	2. Chapter 2

 

Yuuri quickly learns that Viktor criticizes as hard as he praises. For every 'perfect' uttered, there's inevitably an 'again' preceding it.

Viktor's incredibly touchy-feely, too. He drapes himself all over Yuuri every chance he gets, more intimate than any other coach Yuuri's ever had. It's only exacerbated by the fact that Yuuri's painfully aware of Viktor's presence, he jumps at every touch, and flinches at every brush. 

He worries that Viktor is too good for him, that he'll leave for Russia the minute Yuuri doesn't live up to his expectations. When Yurio forcibly inserts himself between them, he fears that this violate whirlwind of a man actually will leave him. After all, what's a promise to free spirit like Viktor? _He's already forgotten a promise to Yuri_ , he thinks, _What makes me different?_

He wishes he could be like Yurio, so assured in himself and his own ability to achieve victory. Enough to propose to steal Viktor away. Viktor himself agrees, of course. He sees the _fun_  in these type of competitions, not the desperate panic Yuuri feels at the prospect of losing his coach.

"Now, Yuuri. What do want if you win?" Viktor says that like he actually believes that he has the chance to do so. It makes Yuuri want to live up to his expectations, exceed them beyond his wildest dreams. 

It doesn't matter if Viktor has assigned them both uncharacteristic programs, if it's Eros he wants, it's Eros he'll get. 

Yurio scowls at him when he tells Viktor what he wants, almost as of he can't quite believe Yuuri will be able to put up a decent fight. 

But he knows Yurio underestimates him.  It's his greatest advantage; that carnivorous growth which Viktor's arrival has only fueled, born from the desire to keep him close. 

\--

Yurio struggles to find his agape just as Yuuri flubs his jumps. 

Progress has been painfully slow, with both of them stuck in a rut. Yuuri spills out his thoughts to Nishigori and concedes that he's hardly fit for the roles of the suitor. It's something Viktor can pull off, but Yuuri doesn't want to be a carbon copy. Nishigori looks at him in bewilderment when he expresses that he wants to _surpass,_ climb higher than five-time world champion Nikiforov ever has. 

\--

Viktor has always had possessed a flair for dramatics. He sends the two of them to the mountain, then the waterfall to train, which neither Yuuri nor Yurio can comprehend the relation to ice skating. They listen to him, nonetheless. 

Yurio seemingly falls sick partway, but he returns with renewed vigour, having found his agape. Yuuri comes to grips with his stagnation, and asks his competition to teach him how to land the quadruple salchow. Viktor interrupts them, unsteady on his feet, looking a little hung over. They skate away from each other to do their separate things, unaware of his thoughtful look. 

They choose their outfits that evening, Viktor having shipped in the entirety of his costumes during his skating career. Yurio jumps right in, exploring the gaudiest options, when Yuuri hangs at the back, marveling at the sheer amount of clothes. 

He gravitates towards one particular costume, the one Viktor had worn during his youth. He'd had an androgynous appeal back then, a look Yuuri will hardly be able to pull off as well as Viktor, but none of the other outfits catch his attention quite like this one.  

"That's an interesting choice," Viktor says as Yuuri brings it to him, but doesn't elaborate. Yuuri doesn't ask.

With the competition being held tomorrow, Yurio's all fired up, pushing himself harder than ever on the ice. He's serious about taking Viktor back, Yuuri realizes. He can't let that happen. Even though the current course of events seem all too much like a dream, it's one Yuuri is unwilling to let go of. He knows that Viktor is his last shot at competitive skating, and if he falls here, his career is over.

\--

Yuuri pays a visit to Minako at an ungodly hour. When she answers her door, she looks decidedly irate, sleep still in her eyes. Yuuri would feel guilty if the matter wasn't so pressing.

"Who is it and what do you want?" she snaps, and Yuuri scratches his cheek in apology.

"It's me, Yuuri. I need your help." 

"Oh Yuuri, what's up?" Minako rubs the last vestiges of sleep from her eyes, and yawns.

"I need you to teach me how to move like a woman," he admits. If she's surprised at his request, she doesn't show it.

She invites him into her studio, and he steps in gratefully, glad to be out of the night's chill. Minako makes them both a cup of tea, and sets it down on the table. "What's with the sudden request?"

Yuuri tells her about the skate off, about Eros, and the image he's going with. Minako listens silently, nodding at intervals, contemplating. "I don't want to lose," he confesses to Minako. "Not to Yuri or anyone else." _And you don't want to lose Viktor either,_ his mind supplements.

To his relief, Minako agrees to help, and they practice throughout the night.

\--

Yuuri bungles his quadruple salchow in action, but he doesn't let it get him down. He _can't_  if he wants to top Yurio's agape. It's left little room for fault on Yuuri's part, and the pressure is on. He won't let himself falter--after all, if Viktor's come to him, _chosen_  him, there must be a reason. Viktor is erotic, undoubtedly so, but Yuuri has charms of his own. In this performance, just for a while at least, he'll be the chased, not the chaser. He's the one seducing, not the one being seduced.

And of course, he wins.

\--

Viktor lavishes praise, but points out imperfections. A weak arm here, and a sloppy leg there, but Yuuri can tell he's proud by the lilt in his voice. 

"That's my Yuuri," he beams, "I knew you could do it."

Even though he's proud, overcome with joy, a small part of himself wonders how Viktor would react should Yurio have won.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have [clenches fist] so many feelings


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it feels like yesterday where we were screaming all over about ep 7

 

"Again," Yuuri presses, even though Viktor has his hand braced against the wall, panting. "One more time."

"Wow, again?" Viktor pants, head inclined towards the floor in defeat, "Hasn't it been thousands of times already?"

It's never occurred to Yuuri that his _perfect_ idol could be lacking in some areas. It doesn't diminish the value of Viktor Nikiforov as a skater, but rather, it makes him more human to Yuuri, with his own set of weaknesses and faults. Never before has Viktor looked so touchable to Yuuri, not just as an figure of reverence, but as a man.

Subconsciously, he finds himself reaching out to Viktor, gently tapping his head. 

"Ah," Yuuri gasps, realizing what he's just done. He withdraws his hand quickly.

"Is it getting that thin?" Viktor covers his hair with his fingers, and Yuuri vehemently shakes his head.

"No!"

\--

Yuuri meets Minami Kenjirou in his first competition of the season, although he doesn't recognise him at first. Minami looks up at him with glittering eyes, and Yuuri realises that he is being being _admired_. It's a completely foreign feeling to him, who's always looks down upon himself and found nothing but imperfections and inadequacies. 

So focused on reaching Viktor, he's never taken a look behind him. Minami tells him that's he's been trying to catch up to Yuuri for the longest time. 

"You never had a dark past," Minami had yelled, "so don't make fun of me for trying so hard to catch up to you!"

Viktor had also expresses his disappointment in Yuuri, placing down his blades and walking away. 

Yuuri learns that it isn't just sufficient to be inspired; he has to _inspire._

He claps Minami on the back, and tell him good luck. Viktor nods in satisfaction, and Yuuri's heart fills with warmth. 

\--

Yuuri subsequently wins the Japan Figure Skating Championships under Viktor's guidance--he goes against Viktor's instruction regarding the jump elements, but Yuuri can see the pride in his coach's eyes, even as Viktor grills him for it. 

"Come here," Viktor motions for him to come, and envelops him in a hug that smells as fresh as the ice, but is so much warmer than that.

It's funny how much Yuuri has gotten used to these gestures of affection from Viktor, where he used to be so jumpy. He isn't sure if it comes with Viktor's title as coach, or whether Viktor does it out of another, more intimate emotion. 

If Viktor's affection is nothing more than a coaching tool, Yuuri would rather never have it at all. 

Sometimes he thinks back to the time Viktor had asked what Yuuri wanted to be. A friend? A father figure? A _lover_?

If Viktor considered it to be a role he could easily slot into just to earn Yuuri's trust, it's a love he doesn't want. 

But when Viktor hugs him like this, hold him so, so close, it leaves little room for self doubt. Yuuri closes his eyes, and relaxes in Viktor's arms. 

(It's an abstract feeling being with Viktor, but Yuuri decides to call it love.)

\--

They find themselves in China for the next event, and Viktor goes absolutely _wild_ with the food and booze. Yuuri doesn't have much of an appetite, and chooses to forgo seafood entirely. Viktor doesn't push it, and wolfs it down himself. When Phichit and Celestino join them, Viktor's already halfway to drunk. Yuuri has to physically keep Viktor from stripping, and Phichit takes great delight in the whole situation, alternating between _snapchat_ and _instagram_ at a rate Yuuri can't keep track of. 

Phichit invites Leo and Guang-Hong, but by the time they arrive, Yuuri cannot keep Vikor in check any longer. He flings off his pants, shirt, and _dear god,_ even his _underwear,_ then pushes Yuuri down onto the bench. Viktor presses Yuuri flush against the surface of the seat, whole body sprawled onto his.

"Viktor, wait!" Yuuri tries to push Viktor off him, but he only holds Yuuri closer. "Viktor, people are watching!"

"What," Viktor draws, and Yuuri really doesn't think someone should humanly be allowed to be this _sexy_ , "So it'd be fine if we were alone?"

"Oh wow," Phichit says, but doesn't make the effort to help. 

\--

Yuuri knows it's only a while until he has to face them on the ice. Christophe expresses how much he wants Viktor back on the ice, and Yakov tells him to stop playing at coach. Viktor waves them off, blithe in his mannerisms, but their words cut deep into Yuuri. He doesn't want the world to think Viktor left the competitive world in order to take in a second-rate skater as protégé.

Phichit doesn't help much in that regard, either. His Instagram is full of photos from the night before, and Yuuri can already imagine the press headlines-- _Coach Nikiforov is speculated to have an indecent relationship with his student!?_

\--

Yuuri pulls of his short program flawlessly, taking first place at the end of the first component. He's not used to being the one in the lead, but he's accustomed to giving the chance.

"You were perfect," Viktor whispers into Yuuri's neck, "Amazing."

\--

He crashes during the free programs, and his nerves get the better of him. He paces the corridors, and Viktor pulls him aside. The feedback from the numerous monitors mounted across the establishment spews out good scores and faultless performances, and Yuuri withdraws further into his shell.

Viktor covers his ears and tells him not to listen. He leads Yuuri into the car park where they're alone. Yuuri feels paralyzed, legs leaden and glued to the floor. 

"Yuuri." Yuuri looks up at the sound of his name, where Viktor stands tense. "If you mess up, I'll take responsibility and resign as your coach." He pushes the hair out of his eyes, and looks straight at Yuuri. 

"Why would you say that...?" Yuuri feels torn at Viktors words, because _didn't you say you'd bring me to the top? Didn't you say you'd standby me?_ The words catch in his throat, and silently, tears come.

Viktor breaks his characteristic composure, and looks panicked. Yuuri knows he's put Viktor on the spot, but if Viktor doesn't understand his feeling now, he'll surely burn and crash. "I'm really not good with crying," Viktor admits almost sheepishly, "What should I do? Kiss you?"

"That's not it!" Yuuri yells, voice hoarse. He knows a kiss now would only cover up the problem, only be evasive act on Viktor's part to dodge what he can't deal with.

"Then tell me. Tell me what I should do."

_"_ Say you'll be there for me--all I need is for you to have more faith in me than I have in myself! I'm used to being blamed for my mistakes, but this time it's different. My mistakes will be put on you, since you left your own career for me. If I fail, they'll see you as a failure of a coach too. Coach Celestino, he had other students, so what did I matter if I failed? They'd know it wasn't because of his skill as a coach, but because _I_ wasn't good enough! But you, Viktor, you only have me--the me who doesn't believe in himself, the me who fails at the most crucial moment!" 

"Yuuri," Viktor says, tone soft and apologetic, "This is a first time, having someone else rely on me." He runs a hand through his hair like a nervous tic, "You've probably guessed, but when I smiled and told people what they wanted to hear, they reacted easily, predictably. I never had to put myself out there, but it's different now. I'll I'm not a perfect coach, Yuuri. I'll say the wrong things, but I want you to know that I've always believed in you. From the moment I saw you skate my program, I knew this was it."

"I know! I know you're not perfect, Viktor, I'm not either," Yuuri says fiercely, "but please stay by this imperfect, flawed me."

\--

They return just before it's Yuuri turn on the ice. Viktor holds out the tissue box, and Yuuri blows his nose, still slightly congested from crying. He purposely drops the tissue past Viktor's outstretched hand, and makes him lean to get it. Yuuri taps Viktor's head in the exact same spot he had before the Japan Nationals, leaving his coach puzzled

_Stupid Viktor_ , he thinks as he glides away.

\--

Yuuri jumps higher, faster, pushes himself harder in this program than he ever has before. He does it partly to show Viktor he _can_ , but he also does it for himself. It makes it the second time that he disobeys Viktor, pushing a quadruple flip at toward the end of hi program, completely changing the jump elements. All eyes are on him, enraptured by the story-- _his_ story--he's carving out on ice. 

The first person Yuuri dares to look at when he finishes is Viktor, who's already running up to meet him. Yuuri skates towards him as fast as he possibly can, and jumps into Viktor's arms. 

Viktor kisses him, and he kisses Viktor--Yuuri isn't too sure anymore, feeling light headed and on cloud nine. It's the most genuine expression he's seen from Viktor, the happiest he's ever seen his coach, an expression so full of pride and _love_ that it leaves him dizzy. Yuuri guesses this what being drunk feels like, and if it is, he'd do it again and again, until he was completely intoxicated by Viktor. 

They fall onto the ice, cheeks flushed, ontop of one another. Viktor's arm cradles his head protectively, and he feels as if they're in their own world away from the prying eyes of the public.

"It's the only thing I could think of that would surprise you just as much as you've surprised me," Viktor says as he presses his forehead to Yuuri's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not beta'd so if you catch the silliest of mistakes i duly apologise (feel free to tell me though)


End file.
